REFLECTIONS: A New Chapter (or: A New Beginning)

In this life, sometimes we are called upon to make a decision whether to allow our past to dictate our future, or move ahead to a new chapter. It comes doen to this: be a victim of circumstance, or a victor (survivor) of such. To do the former is to sell your soul and very life-force; to do the latter is preferable, for it allows you to become the person you were truly intended to be. To begin a new LIFE instead of settling for the mediocre EXISTENCE you once permitted to define who you are.

Have you ever seen a person who walked as if there was literally a ghost behind them? Like they were paranoid at all times, and living in fear and doubt, as if the other shoe were always about to drop? I must admit that for far too long that was an apt description of myself. Sleepless, restless, listless, and lifeless; in a constant stare of mental turmoil that not only wrecked today, but threatened to unravel the threads of my tomorrow. And, lest I forget, caused me to cast an eye ever backward. Lamenting. Mourning. Obsessing over things past and complaining and bewailing what I did not have, rather than taking charge and looking ahead to the glorious future that clearly laid before my feet

I wrote a poem once called "No Looking Back", one of my shortest, poems I've ever written. It went as follows:

No Looking Back

I ripped my rear-view off
So I couldn't see where
I'd been
I was racing
Into the open arms
Of the FUTURE.

So short, yet its words expressed the optimism for the future, the turning from things past, and the refusal to be held back from ANYTHING my heart desired, and for WHEREVER my dreams would allow me to go. I wrote this one years ago, and I find myself come full-circle.

How apropos for where I now find myself in life. Free, no longer bounded by the constricting and constraining environment in which I used to be. Hopeful, for a future that I truly feel is mine to take hold of. Open, to wherever the universe wishes to take me. Aware, of who I truly am at long last. Awake, to the promisr of the renewal of my spirit. Refreshed, as I breathe in the new air of a new place to live out my dreams I have held close to my heart for so long.

I could ask myself, "Can it get any better than this?" but for once I KNOW this is only the tip of the iceberg. At one time in my life I was shuddering over the thought that THAT was the best it COULD get. That all my better years were behind me. Boy, was I mistaken!!!! Little did I know where the course of ONE SHORT YEAR would take me.

Nothing could have prepared me for everything that has happened, especially the last few weeks and months. I won't question it; the Universe has given me a gift and as the old saying goes, you don't look a gift horse in the mouth. And to reference another appropriate old expression that comes to mind, "Whenever God (the Universe) closes a door, he opens a window" That very window of opportunity presented itself and I jumped through, and took what was on the other side and ran with it.

Now I find myself at precisely the crossroads I have always wanted to be. I've taken the path of greatest resistance, I know. But often, you must do just that to retain your soul and very life-force and reclaim it from the grip of the tethers and ties that threaten to choke you utterly to death.

And so, I know I've spoken in very veiled terms and ambiguous references. That was my full intent here. I truly believe that all who know me will know EXACTLY where I am coming from, and those who don't can and will readily identify with the universal nature of the themes presented. I know that either at coming-of-age crossroads or at other milestone moments to which life often brings us, there is a general sense of a "turning of the page" or even an outright turning away from those things which are behind and a new vision focused forward.

Therefore my thoughts as I write this are both optimistic and realistic. The benefit of maturity and wisdom gleaned from whence I came should be should indeed guide my steps. My starry-eyed vision of the way ahead needs to be tempered against the rear-view vision of the road behind me. But no longer should I allow those images and memories of my past to loom larger than they appear...